I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
