I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
