I CAN MOONWALK!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
