ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
