We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
