honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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