Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
