So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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