the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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