Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
