I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
