2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
