just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
