You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
