I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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