Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
