Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
