i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
