I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
