Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
