You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
