Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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