just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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