this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
