Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
