So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
