once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
