Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
