that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
