On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
