I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
