his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
