He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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