guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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