some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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