Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
