I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
