I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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