Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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