My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
