You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
