Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
