grandma shit on top of the toilet
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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