someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
