I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a hot homeless man
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
