dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
