Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the day after is always just damage control
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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