I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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