The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
