i always forget guys have bellybuttons
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i think i just lost a toe
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