Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
