i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
