Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In America we eat man semen.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
