I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
